Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
