Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
