and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
