i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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