dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
