An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
