the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
