I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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