i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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