when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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