The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
