Don't EVER smell your tampon
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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