turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize