Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
