Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
