need another drink. this is the easiest way
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
