The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
