Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
