Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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