Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just blew my weed a kiss
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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