I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
