I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
