Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
