Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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