if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's never too late to be topless.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
