I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
