apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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