Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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