so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
