mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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