Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
