Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
