just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
