I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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