Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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