we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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