We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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