And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
