He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize