God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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