so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
