i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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