that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
