i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
