Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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