White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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