one might say we're banned from that church
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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