did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
