We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
