honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
