Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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