There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
