why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize