I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
