I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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