ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
