proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
