You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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