Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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