Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
