It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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