My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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