Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
