It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
