Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
