So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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