your thong is hanging out like whoa
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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