He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
